Secret Park Stranger
What do you do when you see an old friend and there’s so much news to share that it’s nearly impossible to find a starting point?
First, got a new job at a small semi-startup and I work from home and so far, it doesn’t suck that badly and I don’t hate it. Per usual, the other shoe feels like an imminent matter of time. I hate being this person, why can’t I just enjoy the win?
I adopted an old mean cat and named her Unni. She can be sweet sometimes but I appreciate her duality. The name affectionately means “older sister” (if you’re a female addressing a female) in Korean. However, it can also mean “sea urchin gonads” in Japanese. Duality, perfect. She sneezes directly in my face and scratches me without warning.
I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, a few decades shy of holy shit, way too late. But, now I have drugs and I’m pissed off I’ve been white-knuckling life when I didn’t have to. I guess, if anything, it’s been fucking interesting, to say the least.
For example, I was once having brunch with friends on a Saturday and then my phone alerted me (4 mimosas deep) that I had THERAPY in a couple of hours. First lesson learned - never schedule therapy on a god damn weekend.
Fifty bucks would be charged if I canceled within 24 hours and I’d be damned if the money I just dropped on brunch would be wasted on a cancelation fee. I said my goodbyes to the drunkest people in Chicago and hopped on the 36 bus headed towards Armitage Ave.
I didn’t make it past North Ave. when I started feeling sick. I clumsily pulled the lever to stop the bus and hobbled onto the street in front of my ex’s office. Lincoln Park was across the street and I still had almost two full hours until therapy. I decided maybe I’d sleep it off in the park and set an alarm. Great idea.
I woke up, parched, to the sound of someone yelling in some distant park game. I leaned over to grab my bag where my water bottle lived and noticed what can only be described as a man/boy staring at me. I was still very drunk but I would estimate his age to hopefully be between 18-21? I think we talked a little and then he asked if he could make out with me and I agreed. When I realized the day’s goal, I stopped and checked my phone. The alarm had not gone off as I had set it for the AM and not the PM.
I said my goodbye to the park stranger and hopped onto the North Ave bus, this time in a sobering panic. I couldn’t arrive to therapy intoxicated, could I? Was it against the law or just bad form?
I didn’t want to find out.I got all the way to the lobby and decided to call the therapist with a very pathetic excuse that I was having a panic attack. She was kind, too kind. She didn’t charge me fifty dollars but I wouldn’t have blamed her.
ADHD is a waking nightmare. It’s not only difficult to live this way, it costs money and time and friendships and jobs.
I haven’t allowed myself much of a life since I’ve started this new job, which is probably why I haven’t written about it.
I’ve allowed myself to go numb and it’s a welcome change for now. Feeling everything all the time takes it’s toll. Being medicated helps me to organize my feelings as well as my thoughts and tasks.
I’ll say this, I am really proud of myself for getting this job and doing well. I feel immense pride going to work every day and I like my coworkers a lot.
Maybe, sometimes there isn’t another shoe.